Uuuuuuuuugh. This sucks.

I hate bad memories. They boil up in your gut, and rise up to the back of your throat and mind like a black bile and just sit there, rotting, giving you a bad taste is your mouth and leave a foul stench to the air and everything around you.

I mean, I feel like just the *act* of remembering is draining my energy! Even though I'm not conciously thinking about it anymore, it sucked the life and happy clean out of me. Like sucking the meat out of a lobster claw. Shhhhhhhhhhhhlllup! All gone.

I suppose I should explain; my dad brought up my ex. *headsdesk*

WHY.

WHY WHY WHY WHY *WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY* DAD! SERIOUSLY. WHO LIKES THINKING ABOUT THAT.

It wasn't even like bringing up a good past memory either. He had to re-mention all the things I hated. So I re-experienced every emotion.

You know, I was actually having a good day today. A really fucking awesome, amazing, phenomenol day. And it gets blackened at the very end. GOD, isn't that JUST my life. It's always like that. Things really couldn't get much better, so WHOOP! They take nosedives. It's like my karma doesn't want me to be happy for too long; that's completely unacceptable. Sure, you can have like, a DAY where nothing goes wrong, but rest assured: our people will correct this, and they'll do it very swiftly and efficently.

I just hate life and everything right now. I hate all my past and current artwork, I hate that I've got a writers block the size of one of the blocks they used to build the pyramids with, I hate that I can't force myself to stay in a relationship for more than a week because i'm too scared that something similar to last bf will happen again, and I hate that i'm so weak and whiney. But hell, why stop now? Not talking doesn't stop me from being weak; I already am. I don't even have enough energy to cry right now, even though I have the feeling I should be doing so.

I'm re-starting dance classes tomorrow. And I'm auditioning for canton's community theatre production of Singin in the Rain. I WAS excited for this. I don't *currently* care, but it's actually kind of a really big deal. I LOVE that musical, and wanna do everything I can to prepare for it.

I also got to ride an ATV for the first time today. And learned how to do a front flip on a trampoline. Those were the awesome parts of my day.